Next Sunday is one of those days that I have dreaded for the last 15 years. Nearly half my life with that feeling of not being able to share Mothers Day with my Mum. The last 7 years was not only that, I was desperate to be a Mum too. Infertility problems got in the way, which just rubbed salt into the wound I felt.
The first few years after she passed away I was still angry and bitter, I’ll admit it. Listening to people moan about what to buy their mums was too difficult. What I’d have done to buy more than just flowers. As the years go on I’m certainly not angry or bitter anymore. It’s just this sadness I suppose, the wonder what its like getting to my age having Mum around. Have your Mum there to support you watch you become an adult, get married and have your own family etc. To be able to pick up the phone for lengthily chat about nothing in particular or just that shoulder to cry on. Now don’t get me wrong I know I am lucky, I had a Mum I loved and who loved me. Given half the chance, she’d be here today being a massive part of mine and my families lives. Not everyone is close to their parents or has them, so for that I am blessed to have the time I did.
Mothers Day if you don’t have a Mum around for whatever reason is hard. This year I get to spend my first Mothers Day being a Mummy, focusing on my daughter and family. With that in mind I decided to do my visit to Mum a week early. First I popped to the shops before heading to take flowers to Mum. Walking into a department store and getting questioned ‘have you bought your mothers day gift yet?’ for some reason really threw me today. My deep sick sarcastic side wanted to say ‘I don’t think perfume is suitable for a dead person, especially as she was cremated.’ However I hold my tongue and say ‘I’m fine thank you’, taking pity on the young girl just doing her job. Not everyone gets my sick sense of humour.
It is just everywhere isn’t it, I think over the years I just learnt to ignore it? Taking flowers over to Mum I don’t mind now and actually enjoy the visits. Don’t get my wrong after I leave I seem to get more teary. I stand talking to myself, convinced she brings the sunshine out for when I am waffling away. I wished her a happy Mothers Day for next weekend and got to tell her all about meeting her newest Granddaughter, my beautiful tiny niece. Our family is blessed with another girl and I’m so happy for my brother and his soon to be wife. Mum would have made the most amazing Grandma.
So I hope anybody reading this if you are lucky enough to be a Mummy or have a Mum, don’t take it for granted. A lot of people would love to be in those situations. Enjoy next Sunday and count your blessings, as that is definitely one.